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Why Brian Commited Suicide
I'm sure everyone wonders why Brian commited suicide, but the problem is knowone really knows why. I know what he thought about certain things and such. But I dont know the exact reason. I wish I did though.
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His Suicide
Brian was very close with his family and friends. And I would say that his life was pretty close to perfect. But there was something Inside of Brian that was not normal. He had so much spark inside of him, he always had a smile on his face. No one knew he had suicidal thoughts. I didnt know untill 1999, I remember it like it was yesturday, we were sitting down by a lake on a log, and we started talkin about how we want to die. I then found out that he didnt want to grow old. He didnt even want to hit age 18. I guess he had a fear of getting sick so he didnt want to face choices that could make him get sick and die. Such as at age 18 you can smoke, he didnt want to get the choice to buy cigarets because he feared that he would buy some or try them and get lung cancer and die. That scared him most of all. I guess he wanted to die by himself rather then having something or someone kill him. He also told me that he didnt want to go alone though. I had tried to change his mind about him wanting to commit suicide, and i thought i did for awhile, i was concered about him, and i didnt want him to go alone, so i told him if he ever does decide to go through with everything, i would go with him, so he wouldnt be alone. Then on September 19th, 2000. he called me up and told me it was time to leave. I was away on a trip so i couldnt do anything to stop him, i talked to him on the phone for awhile trying ot change his mind, but then he said he had to leave so he hung up the phone. i got home a few days later and i called him up, but no one was home. I started to cry a lil knowing that he was probably gone. I then went to the library to chelk my email and i then found an email from him. It talked about some things, and it gave me a reason why he had killed himself, but it wasnt what he had told me before. I have always been depressed and suicidal and he knew that. and i had never opened up my feelings to anyone but him. but in his email he told me that he was sorry what he did to me. he thought that he had made me the way i was. it had nothing to do with him, and i didnt get to tell him that. so he killed himself for no reason. my inner thoughts about everything killed him. i blame myself for his death every day. and i hate myself for that. I'm still alive today, while hes gone. i guess i found out why he always had a smile on his face that day. it wasnt like he was depressed, he just always wanted to be there for me. and then he blamed himself for my depression and he killed himself. i miss him so much! |
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How He Commited Suicide
In his email he explained how he was going to kill himself. He had drank some gasaline, which would altimatly kill him within a half hour. he drank the gasoline right before he sent me the email. |
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Messeges From Brian To Family And Friends
Amy (me)
You Have A Heart Of Gold
And A Smile Worth A Thousand Words
Thanks For The Memories
Don't Give Up On Your Dreams
And Dont Stop At The Limit
Mom (self explanitory)
Your The Best
Thank You SO much For Everything
Dad (self explanitory)
You Always Said That I Would Grow Up To Be Somebody
I've Grown Up To Be Someone
You Were Always Right About Things Like That
Matt (Brother)
Go To College!!
I Know You Dont Want To
But Please Do
For Me
Ryan (brother)
Your A Great Brother
And You'll Get A Girlfriend When It's Time Bro
Veronica (sister)
We've Spend So Little Time With Eachother
Your Just A Little Baby Now
Born Only 3 Months Ago
You Wont Remember Me When You Get Older
But I Wont Forget You
I'll Be Watching You
From Above
And I'll Keep You Out Of Harms Way
Trista (friend)
You Really Should Get A Life!
Grow Up A Little
Your Only 14
You Dont Have To Be Perfect Now
Cody (friend)
What Pringles?
HAH
Your All right man!
I'll Miss All Of You Dearly
I Love You All
Please Dont Forget Me
I'll Forgive You, If You Do Veronica |
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